This week I want to make you aware of self-sabotaging which could be linked to psychological trauma and the feelings that are associated with it and the therapy which can help you. Sometimes we exhibit lots of behaviours or have lots of feelings we don’t why we feel or do these things.

If you have these symptoms;

· Every time a relationship gets serious you end it or become less connected, making the other person end it.

Remember: While relationships may have similar patterns, no two are exactly the same, and there are several myths out there about relationships that keep us from experiencing them directly. Not every relationship will go down in flames!

It’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Express your feelings and fears. If you feel yourself picking fights or pushing your partner away, be willing to take a step back and examine the root cause of your behaviours on your own terms. Then, it’s up to you to take responsibility, apologise and explain the root of the issue.

· You are using excessive alcohol or drugs

It’s not fun to feel pain or sadness. With alcohol and drugs readily available everywhere, we often turn to them to lessen the unpleasant feelings or to avoid them at all costs. Getting into the habit of using mind-altering substances is dangerous and can lead to addiction — which many people see as self-sabotaging in and of itself.

· You are working long hours, telling yourself you’re a workaholic, busy, busy, busy.

You are just hiding at work. You’re avoiding what is going on in the rest of your life, not dealing with or facing it head-on. Take the bull by the horns and communicate with those at home, they will understand and help you come to terms with your issue, if there is no one at home and it’s that in itself you are hiding from, seek a therapist to guide you through the next steps.

· Procrastination, the opposite of a workaholic, you are putting jobs off.

What seemed harmless and inevitable in school is not-so-harmless in adulthood — and it probably has a deeper meaning now. It’s about more than just being lazy (though that can play a part). Usually, you’re avoiding something else, like change or failure. If you’re a perfectionist, you might be procrastinating to avoid making mistakes, for example.

If you experience any of the above then you may be reacting to the trauma you’ve experienced but don’t realise how affected you are, and because you have not dealt with the trauma you are subconsciously self-sabotaging.

A therapist can treat this issue really quite easily, especially a one-off trauma event. No re-living the event is involved just talking and experiencing the event a different way.

Get in touch now if this sounds like you and we can resolve your issues together.

Love yourself, Denise.